Missing Eyes and Mouth
©2014 Craig Ashby
Digital Photograph

If this remake of Carrie, which this is in advertisement for, even had a tenth of the greatness of this image it wouldn’t have sucked. But it never had a chance.

The original had Sissy Spacek looking runway ready. Maybe not your typical beauty but just look at models who walk right now and you see the influence. Just like Shelley Duvall in The Shining, she is an overlooked beauty who deserves some recognition.

As a movie, the original is still so watchable. Maybe not Spacek’s best work, remember she helped produce Eraserhead. Still it is an instant film classic that is still quotable, funny and campy. Check, check and check.

Plus why would you even waste the money? Hey Hollywood, people are starving on this planet. Feed them instead of doing remake garbage.

I know you wanted a vehicle to sell me more Chloe Moritz, but I am good thanks. I can’t even be bothered to learn her new third name. She doesn’t know mine, so suck it.

Maybe we could remake Casablanca starring Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. Or maybe The Bicycle Thief starring Chris Pratt and that creepy kid from Extant.

It’s like there is a hole in Hollywood’s financial dam. Plug it up, Hollywood. Plug it up.